foozle vt foo-zled; foo-zling (1892): to manage or play awkwardly; a bungling golf stroke

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Dream About Tiger Woods

Two nights ago I had a dream about Tiger Woods. First, some background though...I've always been a fan of his (how could you not be if you're a fan of golf?), but I've never really "rooted" for him. I enjoy the excitement he brings to a tournament and watching him win on a regular basis. And the more he wins the more fun it is when an underdog does actually knock him off. Say, Y.E. Yang at this year's PGA Championship. How much fun was that? Like most other golfers, I'm in awe of what he can do with a club in his hands and naturally just assumed that aside from his mastering of the game he did little else. I imagined (I guess) that he'd probably had sex twice in his life (he has two kids) and didn't have much time for anything else, what with all the working out he does, and all the time he spends practicing at the game. Essentially, I figured he was just a golfing eunuch, one who was constantly and forever changing how the game of golf was played and to be perceived. Well, we all know now that that was not the case at all. So be it--he's human like the rest of us.
My dream then...In it, Tiger and I were sitting together having a pleasant conversation in a setting that was undefined but not out-of-the-ordinary. We certainly weren't "friends" when the conversation started, but we began to carry on somewhat comfortably considering how dissimilar we both are, save the fact that we both like to play golf. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was remorseful and exhausted but also somewhat relieved when I finally worked up the courage to ask him the million dollar question--why did you throw it all away (when arguably he had everything) on some cheap, floozy broads and one-night stands? His answer? He said he was so tired of being who he was, the most recognizable and most socially imprisoned person on the planet, that he finally realized the only way to make all the fame and notoriety go away, was to do the most unthinkable (yet legal) thing possible, ultimately leading to him being universally despised. He wanted to make people hate him so people would just leave him alone.
I was amazed.

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